They say I'm a troubled boy jsut because....

I am a geek.

2007-03-27T23:03:02Z

I just may very well get paid to play video games as a job. I am not kidding.
Tomorrow is the interview and from what they said...I'll have more work on my plate than hours in a day. Woo.

I have a secert. (yes, secert)

2007-03-23T06:56:36Z

K,

I think I could love you.
I think I may love you.
I think too much.
So sorry if I hurt you in the end.

High on Infinty b-side

2007-03-14T17:35:24Z

I speak fast and I'm not gonna repeat myself
So listen carefully to every word I say:
"I'm the only one who's gonna get away with making excuses today,

You're appealing to emotions that I simply do not have"
Blackmailed myself
Cause I ain't got anyone else
"This is a stick up
Give us all your inspiration"
I've got the red carpet blues baby

"Put your hands in the air and don't make a sound
But don't get the wrong idea
We're gonna shoot you
We're gonna shoot you
And there's nothing in your head or pocket, throat or wallet
That could change just how this goes
No

When I said that I'd return to you I meant more like a relapse
Now again I think "His and her's" "For better or worse"
But the only ring I want buried with me are the ones around my eyes

"You're appealing to emotions that I simply do not have"
I've got the red carpet blues baby

But don't get the wrong idea
We're gonna shoot you

I CANT HELP IT

2007-03-07T20:08:53Z

Some old habits die hard, sorry.

I've loved everything about you that hurts,
So let me see your moves,
Let me see your moves,
Lips pressed close to mine
True Blue, but the prince of any failing empire knows that
Everybody wants
Everybody wants to drive on through the night,
If it's the drive back home

Things aren't the same anymore,
Some nights it gets so bad that I almost pick up the phone
Trade Baby Blues, for Wide-Eyed Browns
I sleep with your old shirts
And walk through this house in your shoes
I know it's strange
It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you
I'm supposed to love you

I've already given up on myself twice
{But the} third time is the charm,
Third time is the charm
Threw caution to the wind,
But I've got a lousy arm,
And I've traced your shadows on the wall
Now I kiss them whenever I'm down,
Whenever I'm down
{Just kind of} figured on
Not figuring myself out

Things aren't the same anymore,
Some nights it gets so bad that I almost pick up the phone
Trade Baby Blues, for Wide-Eyed Browns
I sleep with your old shirts
And walk through this house in your shoes
I know it's strange
It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you
I'm supposed to love you

I was born under a bad sign,
But you saved my life
That night on the roof of your hotel
"Cross my heart and hope to die,
Splinter from the headboard in my eye"
Photo-proofed kisses I remember so well

Trade Baby Blues, for Wide-Eyed Browns
I sleep with your old shirts
And walk through this house in your shoes
I know it's strange
It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you
I'm supposed to love you

Luck

2007-03-04T18:19:19Z

I am NOW out of debt AND a few grand ahead. This puts me in an awesome position to go to UTI. Either way, I've begun planning my move to Arizona this summer. I will be staying with my cousin Manuelito. I have not seen that guy in a few years but as kids we were very close so I expect good things.

I'm leaving this town. I'm going to the school I want. I now have the cash to do something incredibly stupid and rash but the urge to do so is nowhere to be found.

I fear I've lost my inner child.

The thoughts swell up and the lips began to back peddle.

2007-02-26T18:25:23Z

T: So, how does it feel?
R: How does what feel?
T: Doing what you did to your own friend...
R: Who are you talking about?
T: You play the part better than I thought you would.
R: ...
T: You looked him in the eye and smiled while you pressed the point into his spine. It was cold and ruthless...I like this side of you.
R: Shut up! I'm just a victim of circumstance. I had no other option then to let it happen. There was no other way.
T: It is fun, isn't it? I just love the way you rationalize everything...even when you should be mad. You bottle it all up, I can see it buried underneath everything else.
R: Fuck you.
T: Ha, feel guilty? How could you not, your hand was in this from the beginning. What do you think they will say to you when they figure it all out?
R: I'll tell him the truth before that.
T: No, you won't. You're just wishing they'll forget the whole thing but you and I know the truth. You're not sleeping as long as you used to, are you? It is quite a shame you know, I really do like this side of you.

Jesus Christ

2007-02-16T06:13:44Z

Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone I could save
If they don't put me away
Well, it'll be a miracle

Do you believe you're missing out
That everything good is happening somewhere else?
But with nobody in your bed
The night's hard to get through

And I will die all alone
And when I arrive I won't know anyone

GraRWrarwrarwrarwarwrRARWRARWRARWR

2007-01-24T22:11:02Z

I've been wanting to tell you something, you know.....
I want to tell you...everything.
Every time I see you or hear your voice or dream about you...the words begin to form.
It's always the same...it starts off slow and just begins to pick up speed.

But

It always gets out of control. The words and thoughts and emotions forming into one long string of nonsense.
I cannot sort it out...
I cannot find the beginning nor the end of it all.

Then when I can see your eyes and that smug smirk, I know.
You have me where you want me.
You have all the power now.

No.

You've always had all the power and I never realized it.
I can't look away and so....
everything I want to tell you,
everything I'd ever want us to be,
everything this pathetic boy could ever utter...

It is all lost in that instant.
My words and thoughts are not enough.
I throw up a little into the back of my mouth
My brain nothing more than a smoldering ruin.
I try to make a sound, any sound.

Nothing.

Nothing happens you know.

We part ways again as we always do.
The drive home is always the same too.
It is slow and silent, it is always slow and silent.
I'm shifting gears with shaking hands and missing all 3 pedals with unsteady feet.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

I love you.

And

2007-01-21T12:18:06Z

Sully don't sleep no more, no sir, not on cold nights like this.
Sully don't know why he feels everything at once.

But it is bothering him more than he can say.

No matter what happens..

2007-01-21T09:21:31Z

...someone is bound to get hurt.

I have not posted anything substantial in many many months.
I know this because I've been wanting to say so much more than I have been lately.
The words travel the length to my fingers but fall apart before the thought is finished.
I've gained some ground you could say, and found what I was looking for.
No
I did not find hope or god or some other form of enlightenment.
I found out enough about myself to finally know what I want.
The pieces all fell into place but I was just looking at the map upside down.
The only problem is....that all the instructions were never completed.

So here is the fun part, getting to point B from point A.

There is so much more I'd like to say but as it is now...the words just rot and fall away far too soon.

Just..to those who fight,
to those who give up,
and those who leave us behind...
They're all so selfish.
Thay're all so selfish and they all betray my trust.
Even...

1stoopidfool @ 2007-01-19T20:36:00

2007-01-20T04:37:31Z

I hate saying goodbye.
I really really do.

I did just that today, to someone who I had known long enough to care.

I am so whiny.

This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race.

2007-01-14T05:48:37Z

I am an arms dealer
Fitting you with weapons in the form of words
And don't really care, which side wins
As long as the room keeps singing
That's just the business I'm in

This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race
This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race
This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race
I'm not a shoulder to cry on, but I digress

I'm a leading man
And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate
I'm a leading man
And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate

I wrote the gospel on giving up
But the real bombshells have already sunk
At night we're painting your trash gold while you sleep
Crashing not like hips or cars
No, more like p-p-p-parties

This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race
This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race
This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race
Bandwagon's full. Please, catch another

I'm a leading man
And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate
I'm a leading man
And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate

All the boys who the dance floor didn't love
And all the girls whose lips couldn't move fast enough
Sing until your lungs give out

This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race
This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race
(Now you)
This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race
(Wear out the groove)
This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race
(Sing out loud)
This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race
(Oh, oh)
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race

I'm a leading man
And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate
I'm a leading man
And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate

????

2007-01-12T00:11:12Z

I'm so stoned
But i'm tryin
And i'm still dying to know

Am I the only one that feels alone
Am I the only one that hears the tears run down my face
Would anybody recognize at all

I'm so slow
But I'm tryin
And I'm still dying to know

I'm sick so please don't touch me. Things keep spiraling out of control. Where is the emgergency eject button?!?!?!?!?!? Let me out, let me o..../

God smited me. Smote? Smitten?

2007-01-10T03:29:13Z

1.) I got fired today for buying beer at work, after I got off shift.

2.) My dad brought his mistresses kids to live with us because after my dad ended the affair, she went nuts and ended up in rehab. The kids have no one to take them in so my dad did. It's a slap in my moms face and a real hassle for the rest of us. The kids are sweet but really fucking annoying.

3.) My car payment is due soon and I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to lose my car, I really really don't.

I feel so lost but at the same time kind of excited. Woo?

Bloggity Blog Blog Blog

2006-12-26T21:24:19Z

Fuck Christmas and fuck you.

If it can be broke then it can be fixed,
if it can be fused then it can be split
It's all under control
It's all under control
It's all under control
If it can be lost then it can be won,
if it can be touched then it can be turned
All you need is time
All you need is time
All you need is time

We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?

A sense of purpose and a sense of skill, a sense of function but a disregard
We will not be the first
We Will not be the first
We will not be the first, we won't

So here we are reinventing the wheel
It's a colour that I can't describe,
It's a language I can't understand
Ambition, tearing out the heart of you
Carving lines into you
Dripping down the sides of you

We will not be the last.

I told you that night was the last time.

2006-12-19T20:24:19Z

Anyway, been dicking around for a few days, going to work and yeah. Seems like the owner is trying to persuade me into becoming the assistant manager now instead of just a shift lead. The only good part is that I spend a few hours a shift watching stupid training programs. So far I've done like 7 of them and that adds up to like 4 percent of the entire index. I still have a ways to go. Grawr grawr grawr. I saw Laura last thursday and that was fun, we took butters to the beach with Joey and Natalie. The girl is nuts but it's cute in a way.

Emm....I suppose I've become a bit of a stoner now thanks to the others. I caved into ze peer pressure. Woo.

Things are going well. It is almost spooky. Merry Christmas everyone and havve drink for me because I work both christmas eve and chriistmas day. That also means I will be spending christmas with a bottle of scotch alone at my home. Yay. I still have to work New Years eve and day too. GRAWR GRAWR GRAWR.

"Wait, why are you sticking your hand in my pants?"

2006-12-17T19:37:50Z

Shhh.

1stoopidfool @ 2006-12-15T12:21:00

2006-12-15T20:34:17Z

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your livejournal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

1) Vermillion - The Album Leaf
2) Two Joints - Sublime
3) Innocent Vigilant Ordinary - The Appleseed Cast
4) You've Really Got Me - The Kinks
5) Outlines - Clor
6) Slow Down - The Academy Is...
7) Dear Sons and Daughters of Ghosts - Wolf Parade

I tag:
Nikkie
Jesus
Jefff Anderson
Brian O'Halloran
The Pope
Jeff Foxworthy
Ganandorf

I stole this from the lovely Dolores. (Please don't hurt me)

2006-12-14T02:22:51Z

1.) Where did you ring in 2006?
At the water tower, drunk and stoned. Iwas...alone.

2.) What was your status by Valentine's Day?
At the Drive-In with Laura.

3.) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Yup yup

4.) How did you earn your keep?
Being Dante.

5.) Did you ever have to go to the hospital?
Yes, for many different reasons.

6.) Have you ever encountered the police?
Yes, I've been pulled over more than once. Damn Subaru

7.) Where did you go on vacation?
Deweyville, Texas

8.) What did you purchase that was over $500?
My Subaru Impreza WRX. Yes I drive an asian car. Much more asian than you. At least I don't spell asian "4ZN"

9.) Did you know anybody who got married?
My best friend Abe (I was ze best man). I also went to my cousins wedding although the guy she chose seems like a total tool.

10.) Did you know anybody who passed away?
More than i care to remember.

11.) Have you run into anybody you graduated high school with?
Every fucking day.

12.) Did you move anywhere?
Back home.

13.) What sporting events did you go to?
A few Padres games.

14.) What concerts did you go to?
Big In Japan, San Diego Street Scene, Cursive, Bright Eyes, Architecture in Helsinki, The Album Leaf, The Appleseed Cast and Bloc Party.

15.) Are you registered to vote?
Yes, I actually cast my ballot. I drew a doggy on it and turned it in.

16.) Where do you live now?
Parents house

17.) Describe your birthday.
My friends were too busy. I spent it drunk at the water tower. I was also stoned. Woo.

18.) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006?
Buy a car.

19.) What is one thing you regretted this year?
Being a dicck to Laura.

20.) What's something you learned about yourself?
I am gay for David Cross.

21.) Any new additions to your family?
Other than adopting Joey as my new brother?

22.) What was your best month?
December.

23.) What from pop culture will you remember 2006 by?
Pop-tart hoes and how stupid everyone is. I suppose that will be something every year.

24.) How would you rate this year with a scale from 1 (shitty) to 10 (excellent)?
This was pretty shitty to begin with but I'll say a 6.

"Ninja Mafia fo lyfe" "Don't say that Saul!"

2006-12-10T19:58:21Z

I bailed on Laura yesterday morning and just kinda dicked around. I called in sick to work but ended up going there around 10 to see somebody who was going to hang out. They were a no-show but it ended up working out alright in the end. Diana ended up taking over my shift and when she saw me there at ten, she almost strangled me. I told her I would make it up to her and she said "Good!, you're going to get some coffee with me and hang out right NOW." Who was I to say no? Anyway, she had to go back to work at 6 am to cover for someone else but we still ended up hanging out until 3 am. Even then, she was reluctant to go home.

I want to be 21 so Diana can take me to all her favorite bars and get me really, really drunk. I work today again and blargh I don't want to go.

On a side note....The Academy Is has been stuck in my head all morning.

I saw you tonight and my heart skipped a beat....

2006-12-09T08:33:53Z

when the a.m. rolls around
all the cool kids are coming down

it's a shame that they don't feel well being themselves

let go the things I never had
I've been holding on

this time I'll disappoint the past
prove repetition wrong

I'm just a failure
feeling better than I ever have

if this is life then I'm ready to live
it feels so good to feel again

the air's inviting you and I
to get up for the while

at last I understand why

Black socks, the longer you wear them the blacker they get.

2006-12-08T05:26:55Z

Your Heart Is Purple

For you, love is about establishing and developing a deep connection.
If it's true love, it brings you more wisdom and inner strength.

Your flirting style: Sincere

Your lucky first date: An afternoon at a tea house

Your dream lover: Is both thoughtful and expressive

What you bring to relationships: Understanding

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Your Birthdate: February 18

For you, love is a feeling that lingers for really long time - even after a relationship is totally over.
In fact, you still make have strong feelings for the first person you fell in love with.
You usually are reluctant to end relationships. And sometimes you're the last to know that things are ending!

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 4

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1

You are most compatible with people born on the 9th, 18th, and 27th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

You Are the Very Gay SpongeBob!

Because the religious right says so...
And because his best friend looks a bit too much like a penis.

What Gay Childhood Icon Are You?

1stoopidfool @ 2006-12-07T20:58:00

2006-12-08T04:58:12Z

I'm so sick of sliding through every turn, just to feel alive.
Each slide nothing more than an attempt to fuck up for the last time.
Drop gear, hit the gas and pull the e-brake....
and...
for a few seconds you're no longer in control.
The car goes sideways and you wait for the moment
You live for that moment
Then, the tires catch and...
everything is back in your hands

I've become an adrenaline junkie. I go home, shaking yet HAPPY. When I get home, I climb out onto unsteady legs and realize how clumsy I am on my own two feet. I never go to sleep right after that, never. I feed off the high until I just pass out on the couch. Sleep isn't too comforting for me, why? Because in sleep, it is when they come for me and I can't fight back. They swarm all over and I can't breath.

Drowning in my sleep.
I'm drowning in my sleep.
Drowning in my sleep.
I'm drowning in my sleep.

Laura...

2006-12-01T08:52:07Z

She;s back in town and is looking for me. I won't disappoint.

This is life you know...

2006-11-25T06:52:25Z

In the end, I just want what everyone else wants.

I want to love and be loved.

I want to be myself, with my guard down.

I want to just be.

Why is it so hard?

Such a loveless life...no wonder I've become so cold.